it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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