you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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