You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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