i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
