I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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