Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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