bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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