it was like eating out sand paper
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
