Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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