someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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