I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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