Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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