think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
