we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
