Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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