Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
