Please, let me fuck your mom
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
