im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
