Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
