..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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