okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
