Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
