Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
