ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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