I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
