So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
