just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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