Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
