I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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