Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
