I'd wear matching sweaters with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
