im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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