Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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