the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
