I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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