The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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