Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
