Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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