Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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