I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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