Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
