arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im six kinds of drunk right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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