i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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