I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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