why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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