lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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