he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
