What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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