i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
