He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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