Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
