shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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