I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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