Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
