my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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