we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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