Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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