Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
