haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
