I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
