The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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