you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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