Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
