We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
