Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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