you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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