You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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