One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
