As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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