it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
