so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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