I am puke
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize