I would go down on you faster than GM stock
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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