so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
