that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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