when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
