So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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