paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
