She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
