You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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